Dear Santa,
Let me start by saying that I have tried to be a very good girl this year. The operative word here is tried.
There isn't much that I would like for Christmas this year, but there are some things that I would like to ask for for my family. Some may or may not fit into your sleigh.
Molly would like Sleeping Beauty to come to our house and live with us. I really don't know about that because I think she is a little bit of a floozy and I worry that she would put the moves on Drew. Instead, could you just bring her anything your elves can find with Sleeping Beauty on it.
Brody loves tools. And dressing up in tutus and heels. Do you have any frilly tool belts with matching pumps? Also, could Mrs. Claus come up with a cookie that has the nutritional value of broccoli?
Drew would like a job that doesn't suck and that lasts for more than 8 months. I would prefer if he could work 3 days per week and have full medical and dental benefits (especially since we found out today that he needs a root canal.) Also, if the job involves a secretary, I would like if she was ugly with irritable bowel disease.
My mother and father would like to go to Alaska to meet some crazy eagle lady. If you could keep at least one of their remaining investments from tanking into the toilet so they can afford to go, I would really appreciate it.
My sister has spent the last several years of her life looking for Mr. Right, and instead has been finding Mr. I Can't Handle The Thought Of Commitment. However, the newest man in her life just might be a keeper. Would you mind making sure there is plenty of mistletoe at her place to ensure the love keeps flowin'?
And lastly, for me, just two simple things. A new super capacity LG washer and dryer and boobs. Just the appliances need to be super capacity, the boobs can just be average.
As always, there will be milk and chocolate chip cookies waiting for you at our house. Thanks for everything and I hope you and Mrs. Claus have a very Merry Christmas.
With Love,
Elaine
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6 comments:
That was great!! You always make me laugh :) I have the "super capacity" LG washer and dryer and they are indeed fabulous for the never ending stream of laundry! I too would like BOOBS...if only Santa could make that happen.
Much Love! ~Amber
Dave said he'd buy me boobs :) Not sure I'm ready to take him up on that offer quite yet....
Ok. I think all of your requests are completely reasonable. Especially the ugly secretary suffering from IBS. ;)
Elaine, I can always count on you for a funny and creative blog post. Thank you for making me laugh this morning.
Keeping my fingers crossed that Santa comes through with your request for me...and for our whole family.
Sleeping Beauty is a floozy. Molly needs a better role model, like Janeane Garofalo...who would never put the moves on Drew :)
Tee hee. Sounds reasonable to me. I have my doubts re: sleeping beauty, too.
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