So yesterday I made the decision to get the kids the H1N1 shot. The decision was not without much thought and prayer. Trust me when I say that it was an informed decision based on medical research.
The strangest part, however, is people's reactions when you tell them. There are 2 types of people: the ones who are so excited for you, ask where you got it and if they have any left, and the ones who curtly tell you that they are not getting their kids vaccinated.
People, being a mom is tough. All day, every day. And I think the toughest part is convincing yourself that you are making the "right" or "best" decision for your children.
I am not one of those people who is going to tell you what to do. I am not going to try to persuade you to my way of thinking. I fully believe that your children are YOURS and that only you have the right to make the decisions that effect them. (Short, of course, of abuse, etc.)
You can tell the type of person I am based on the decisions I make for my family. I breastfed both of my babies. We go without my paycheck so that I can be a stay at home mom. I only have 2 children instead of 1 or 3 or 4 or 18. I vaccinate my kids. In the same vein, I can tell what type of person you are based on your decisions.
Here's the thing though, regardless of my decision for my family - I am never going to judge the decisions you make for yours. Your kids got Enfamil out of a bottle? That's fine. You work full time outside the home? Good for you. You have 8 kids? More power to you. You would rather poke your kids eyes out than get them the H1N1 vaccination? I am perfectly okay with that. Of course I have OPINIONS about the decisions you make. I am a human being after all. But I don't think I am better than you are because I make different decisions than you've made. Really. I'm just glad to have you around to talk things out and to know that we are ALL in the same boat, making these choices together. And we are all just doing the best we can.
In the end, driving ourselves crazy about the "right" decision or the "best" decision is probably just a mute point. So many times our kids will be just fine no matter which decision we make, so it's probably just the best idea to do what feels right to you.
That's it. I am now stepping down off my soapbox for today. Feel free to call me if you want to chat... even if you think I'm crazy. We can still be friends. : )
8 comments:
Love your post. I always feel judged too. (I had two natural childbirths by choice and I breastfed the first until he was two and still going strong with the second.) Although I chose not to get these particular vacs, I do feel it's important for all parents to make informed decisions thats right for them. I never try to persuade anyone one way or the other, and I hate even talking about these things with people because they're such touchy subjects.
Well said, Elaine.
I am guilty of being one of those who is emphatically happy for you and asked where you got it ;) I do not however make any kind of judgement against people choosing not to get the vaccine, or bottle feed, or work etc. etc. What I do take issue with is the propagation of misinformation...and when it comes to H1N1 there is a LOT of just plain myth. I share info not to "convince" people to get the vaccine but to correct untruths. A good friend and I were discussing it the other day and she was worried about the adjuvants in the vaccine--the U.S. Does not use adjuvants in vacccines (other countries do)...It would be sad if she based her decision on an untruth. I think that kind if thin is different than a "belief" or a "value" I hope that folks understand that trying to clear up mistrutha does not equate judgement. :)
I think there are "pros" and "cons" to almost every decision we make in life. Not sure why anyone would judge anyone on the H1N1 vaccination as that vaccine is a PRIME example of a "pros" and "cons" situation. I know for a fact there there are folks who think I'm being reckless for not getting the vaccine for myself seeing that I'm pregnant. Like you said, people make the best decisions for their own families based on information they've received and researched and their gut feelings. I like your post.
amber, i just want to say publicly and for the record that i never take the medical knowledge that you share as judgement or persuasion. i always welcome and value your insight. the title "being judged sucks" was just a statement about how we as moms shouldn't judge each other at all about anything... the shot thing is just one example. i hope no one feels like i am angry because i'm not. just commenting on the state of being a mommy. : )
Well said! Preach on, Sista!
Well said!
Good thread Elaine. Here is my take.. as humans we judge! i got real clear on this when I was in a workshop and said..." I dont judge people" and someone jumped in and said.. Yeah you can say that -but we all do. The dude was right! It is why I will stay up late at night cleaning my floors if I have company coming the next day. I know people will think.. these Povs are Slobs! We are wired to take in info and we make judgements.. to protect ourselves.. to make ourselves feel less inferior etc. what I am trying to do and (it is not Easy) is to look at the judging thought as it comes to my head and STOP and SHUT MY FREAKIN MOUTH! an look at the thought/judgement and consider.. is this valid for me? for my family? and should I put it on someone else? Easier said than done. You did the right thing for you and fam and you know that. I need you guys .. my mom Tribe - DESPERATELY. and I need your friendship and support or I may be put into the Nut Place(said in humor)
Afterall I have a 2 year old!
love you all..
G
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