For Lauren

About 5 months ago, Molly came home from school and told me that her friend Lauren was going to die.

Pretty heavy stuff coming from my six year old.

We found out quickly that Lauren was indeed diagnosed with a rather rare form of leukemia and without proper and immediate treatment would be facing death.

Fast forward to today. As I am writing this, Lauren is being prepped for her bone marrow surgery that will hopefully save her life. Her big sister (and 100% donor match) Hailey had her marrow harvested this morning. All that is left is the transplant this afternoon.

And I can't get them out of my mind.

Not a day went past this summer that I didn't think about Lauren and her sister and her parents. Not one day.

I'm not an outwardly religious person. I do not wear my beliefs on my sleeve for the world to see (although I probably should.) But my faith is strong and focused. I know what I believe and to whom I owe all that is good in my life. With that being said, I can't tell you how many hours I've spent questioning WHY WHY WHY would a God that I know is so good put this family through this pain?

And not just this particular family, but so many families. And at some point in time, probably all of us.

The pain of illness. The stress of want. The anguish of watching your child fight an incurable disease. What in the world is the point?

I've struggled so much watching Lauren's journey, and to be perfectly honest, it's been mostly out of guilt. I was filled with it as I watched my children playing on the beach knowing that Lauren was having her little body filled with toxins. Heavy with guilt as my children enjoyed all that summer had to offer while Lauren and her family called the hospital home. Guilt because the simple reality is, my child could have just as easily been the one stricken, and she wasn't. It was Lauren instead. And I don't know why.

Why did God choose Lauren and her family to bear this burden? Some would say that perhaps God wants them to need Him and use Him as their strength. Perhaps God has great plans for Lauren, and this illness had to be part of her journey. Maybe God is using Lauren and her family's struggles as a way to reach out to others who are also in need of Him. Or maybe the fact that bad things happen to good people is just a part of the human experience of which we are all a part.

I don't know why Lauren or so many other wonderful children (and adults) that I know have to face such hardships. I don't really think that it's our job to know, at least not while we are here. But I do believe that God wants us to trust in him to lead us where we need to go, whether that path is easy or hard or some of both.

I pray that this chapter of Lauren's journey ends here. I pray that whatever God's plan is for her that it includes a lot less hardship from here on out and that she leads a long and healthy life being a disciple for Him.

And I pray that Lauren and Molly will again get to spend countless hours of recess playing together on the swings, just as God intended.