My Nemesis

I feel like I am a pretty friendly person and that I get along with most everyone. But there is someone in my life with whom I am constantly engaged in battle. Nay, a war.

Death.

You know, this guy.

When I was a child I didn't think at all about Death. It was something that old people thought about, but the young and invincible didn't give him the time of day. Death was someone who came by way of heart attack or broken hip or renal failure when you are 90 years old. Death and Youth did not intermingle.

But here I am at 34 thinking a lot about Death. And I certainly don't consider myself old, thankyouverymuch.

I've had a couple brushes with him in my past. He was there in that car I should have never gotten into as a teenager. He was there as I lay bleeding in a hospital bed before Molly was born. And I stood beside him when my melanoma was diagnosed. But in each case, I gave him a wink and told him to shove it.

At this very moment, I have several friends who are dying, a family member who has been dying, and know firsthand children that are dying. I know what you are going to say to me, "Elaine, we are all dying." I know. I know. We are all dying from the moment we are born, but I don't consider it playing fair when Death shows up before a person is ready to go. When my grandfather died, he was ready. He was 93. I think that although he was going to miss seeing the people he was leaving behind, he welcomed Death because his body was no longer able to provide the life he wanted to be living. So as opposed to an adversary, he saw death as a friend.

I have dreams of making it to 100. Of having Willard Scott read my name on the label of the Smucker's Jar. And at that point, I want to have used up this body. I want to have squeezed every last drop of life out of it. I want to be able to look Death in the face and say, "I'm ready because I've got nothing left in me."

So it's been bad enough when Death has come to my side, but now, he is trying to take a shot at my kids, and that just pisses me off.

No, my children are not in any inherent danger of leaving this earth. They are healthy. They are safe. They are provided for. But everyday I read or hear about yet another thing that is going to kill my children. Plastic, pesticides, mercury, the sun, sunscreen, bottled water, tap water, toxic mold, vaccinations, the diseases the vaccinations are preventing, fast food, junk food, non-organic food... the list goes on and on. It is getting to the point that I can't fix my kids lunch without thinking that some part of it is probably killing them. It could be the tuna, or the can it's in, or the water I rinsed it with, or the microwave that heated it, or the plastic plate it's sitting on. Ugh.

So what is a mom to do?? I guess you could err on the side of being as informed as possible and taking every step humanly possible to keep your child safe from everything. Or you could take the path in the other direction and bury your head in the sand, avoid all media, and just keep on keeping on.

Or you could do like I'm doing... try to do the best you can with the information available and not beat yourself up over it either way. If Death comes knocking, try not to act surprised, look him straight in the eye, and be prepared to do battle, because you never know when he might show up. But until he does (hopefully in a LONG LONG time), be happy, pray often, love each other, and enjoy your tuna fish sandwich.